When snow still blanketed the garden, and the blustering wind whistled through the ill-sealing window, I made elaborate plans to grow exponentially and finally get my little soap shop upgraded to something that could pay bills consistently. I made goals of 2 markets per month, expanding my wholesale accounts by double, and crushing online sales by making better quality content. So, I upgraded my phone. I bought a mic. I found a natural fluidity of doing my daily tasks now done in front of an iPhone-shaped audience, a confidence and acceptance of perceiving myself that still perplexes me to some level. 

I have always been very aware of what I look like, through body-checking and find the perfect angle to film at, but seeing myself from an unflattering angle while editing content would send me into a feel-bad spiral. This pattern didn’t really get me any closer to my goals or out of my head. In making content, I think I am finding an acceptance of meeting myself where I am. I think that’s beautiful, and shows the growth that this silly little TikTok project has been. Maybe goofy to people who actually know me, watching me nerd out about soap on the internet to 40 people, but it’s not about metrics for me anymore. If one day, this little shop blossoms into something that can support us, that’s incredible, but if it’s also just a lesson in finding myself and helping me see myself and how I present to the world, that’s alright with me. 

Just since March, my online sales have increased. Maybe not pay-my-personal-bills level just yet, but I do get a stipend weekly now, and making money off of something I’ve built from the ground up is extremely rewarding. It just seemed to be going up. Then came the pickles. First, I applied to many farmer’s markets (six of them, ranging in distance, date, and times to cover multiple a week, if I could) and every single one was either completely full of vendors with a waitlist, OR they were capped in the soap makers. While this was upsetting because I wouldn’t be meeting my goal, farmer’s markets have never really been my thing. I think I need to attend a few a season because my brand is so new, it’s a great way to get new eyes and make personal connections with the humans using my soaps, but I didn’t want to navigate the politics or feel like I’ve stuck all my eggs in one basket. I also find selling in person and having so much face time with people can be very mentally draining for me. So, I was able to get a spot at a market I enjoyed last year. However, their biweekly markets had turned into 2 annual markets. At that point, I would take anyone that would have me. I will have one in June, and one in September. Fortunately, this also coincides with all the time I will be away while we look for a house. 

What I didn’t expect was to add 2 more wholesale clients who restock on a regular basis, Eagle’s Nest Mercantile in New Mexico and Alaska Husky Tales & Curios in Alaska. This, in a way, made up for my missing markets, and seeing all of the soaps together and ready to sit on a shelf in front of thousands of new eyes was SO satisfying. Finding new wholesale clients however has been a challenge. I’ve now cold-called 30 businesses, ranging from outdoor stores to boutiques to garden stores, and been turned down every time. This business has done wonders for rejection exposure, and not taking things personally.  All in all, this little soap shop may have started as a side hustle to make some extra cash for all of my hobbies, but it’s morphed into a list of tasks and opportunities to grow as a business while growing as a human.