I have never really been someone who constantly compares themselves to others, but with the insurgence and normalcy of social media in daily life, it’s somehow found a way in. On weeks when my content isn’t doing exceedingly well, I start to pick apart everything that I did wrong. Or on days when a post is doing really well, I’ll see another account that does something similar and see that their engagement is quadruple my own, which immediately tanks my peppy attitude. I think it’s really easy to see other people on the internet who have edited the learning process down to the 30 seconds of success. It’s easy to see the win, without seeing the hard work, frustrated rants, and hours spent staring at the same thing hoping it’ll magically change. To top it off, the creators I do see that are on the level I aspire to be on, are naturally confident and polished, or at least very good at presenting that narrative.

I have always been picked last for team events, not invited to class parties, and spent a majority of my childhood hiking, backpacking, canoeing alone through the Alaskan bush with a pack of misfit dogs. I think seeing the end result of some creators and their millions of amassed followers that perhaps took years to acquire, can be discouraging and make me feel like I’m yet again on the outside looking in. But here is where my brain picks that up and throws it. This is a victim mentality. This is ‘woe is me, i’ll never be one of the cool kids’, and I’m simply not here for it. I am strong. I am capable, and building something from scratch takes more courage than being a pretty face to sell someone else’s dream.

After spending a majority of my teen years into young adulthood in a neurodivergent shutdown and depression, I had a hard time seeing the point of anything. Something I always found soothing was learning. Taking time to read textbooks on various topics for fun, teaching myself to knit so I could express myself through wearable, practical items, and then jumping two feet into starting a soap business after moving across the country has kept me moving through a lot of loss and ache. Starting something new opens the neural pathways and the brain works harder because it cannot just resort to autopiloting through proven habits. Forcing myself into starting something is typically the most challenging part, but once the momentum has built, this openness to newness flows into other aspects of my life.

I think the biggest lesson learned, rock overturned, ah-ha moment for me was the mentality shift. The time is going to pass either way, and spending my time numbly scrolling my phone gets me nowhere closer to my goals, but also doesn’t allow for a lot of positive influence. I started taking care of myself and building my business with the intensity I felt inside regardless of who might see it or how I may be perceived. Building my soap shop is less about selling out and getting really popular, it’s about a sustainable way to get out of my own head and rewire my brain for good things while also providing my community with some damn good soap.